E is for EKG

Yesterday was a huge pain in my ass, but has restored my faith in the health care system.. for now. Here's a breakdown.

1:00pm
I arrived at the gym and began working out on the elliptical machine. I was feeling exhilarated due to several previous days of inactivity. Then... ouch! For the past two months, I've had a bit of pain in my chest, now and then. I had been assuming it was a pulled muscle and ignoring it. Stupid muscle, messing up my workout.

2:00pm
I called the doc to make an appointment in the next few weeks, just to check in. Well, it turns out, when you say shortness of breath and chest pain, the doctor's office really moves fast! So, they fit me into a 2:30pm appointment. This is the same office that couldn't schedule me with primary care until "three months from now" on other occasions. I've learned a valuable lesson about presentation.

3:00pm
Both resident and supervisor said it was likely nothing, but wanted to be sure. They sent me in a wheelchair to the emergency room for an EKG. Apparently, the wheelchair is part of their legal requirements. I noticed that being in a wheelchair made me feel sicker than I had before. People on the sidewalk stared as the nurse bumped me across the street to the hospital.

4:00pm
Originally, I had hoped to get home in time to watch Oprah. Bummer.

5:00pm
Still waiting. I amused myself by watching shows I had downloaded to my iPod for my recent travel.

6:00pm
I was called in to an actual patient room and asked to don a stylish hospital gown. A very nice resident came in and gave me apple juice since, at that point, it had been nearly 7 hours since I'd eaten anything. They offered me graham crackers, but I declined. Surely, I would be headed home soon for some real dinner. I also got some free stickers applied to my chest and side for the EKG. They were not shaped like unicorns, however.

7:00pm
My iPod died. The sweetheart of a nurse had come in to move me to another room a while back, and I was now I was sharing a room with a woman from Tonga and her family members. They spoke in staccato speech to one another. I amused myself by imagining what they were talking about. I was given a call button (my very first ever) and left alone. I noticed I had no phone service, so the nurse assisted me in making a call to my husband from a hospital phone. I left him a message.

8:00pm
The same nurse took copious amounts of my blood for cardiac tests. faint The doctor wanted me on a heart monitor. More stickers, but still nothing with sparkles or glitter. I spent about 10 minutes amusing myself by holding my breath and trying to manipulate the numbers and spikes on the screen while I waited for my chest x-ray.

9:00pm
Time for my chest x-ray! I got wheeled into x-ray on my gurney. Again, people staring. This time because I was the best dressed in my style-y hospital robe and workout pants.

9:15pm
I left another message for my husband. I was nearly falling down out of hunger. The nurse saw me drooping and offered me the holy grail of hospital food, a sandwich bag! Hooray! I got dressed and happily ate my turkey sandwich, washing it down with a little carton of milk. Mm. It was the best sandwich in the entire world.

9:30pm
I got news that everything looked good. Seems as though it's acid reflux or some such stomach issue. I'm in tip-top cardiac shape. They didn't even follow it with the caveat "for someone your age". Discharge papers!

I guess it wasn't so bad, after all. I mean, honestly, I got to lie down and relax all afternoon and evening, which, I suppose is a bonus.