I'm At Work

It's December 24th and I'm at work. Even worse, I'm the crisis person on call, so I can't leave my desk to go for a nice little stroll in the crisp winter air.

It's sunny out. I'm sitting here under the fluorescent lights feeling like the damned as I see people outside carrying gifts and laughing with family and friends. They're on their way to turkey dinner, and I'm at work with about five other disgruntled workers who have to be here.

The good news is, my husband is making dinner because he gets today off. Crab, sourdough, asparagus, and some sweet potatoes that need cooking before they go bad. Tiny cheesecake from the corner store for dessert. And then, we exchange gifts.

It's amazing how my instinct to just make a run for it out the window gets stronger as the day wears on. Why didn't I study graphic design instead?

Dedication to My Christmas List

When I googled "last minute Christmas shopping", the search produced 296,000 entries. I did this search because, recently, I've been noticing TV commercials filled with harried shoppers, reminding me to make sure I get things for each person on my shopping list. In the weeks since Thanksgiving, giant billboards have popped up on the sides of buildings and city buses, "BUY BUY BUY!" These ads seem to be telling me not only to purchase the merchandise, but also how to do it. Make sure it's frantic and as stressful as possible. It seems that my relatives and friends will certainly disown me if I mess up this task and end up with nothing in hand on Christmas Eve.



This all leads me to wonder when Christmas became just another checkbox on the To Do List of Life. We seem to have lost the real meaning of the season. I'm not talking about the religious significance, which varies from person to person, but instead the idea of setting aside time to spend with those whom we love most in the world. My Christmas list isn't a series of checked boxes of tasks accomplished; it's a list of people for whom I've thoughtfully chosen items which I believe will show them that they were on my mind for longer than it takes to run into Target at the zero hour. For me, Christmas is about being able to dedicate some time to thinking about the people I love, getting inside what it is that makes them unique, and finding something they will, hopefully, enjoy receiving.

In pondering who my loved ones really are, their likes and hobbies and beliefs, I'm also taking the time to honor what they mean in my life and the things I've learned from having them so close to me.

That is the reason why I don't buy half-assed gifts for people. I take the time to find something that fits. And I don't just mean the size on the tag.

Review: I Am Legend

Okay, here's a little secret I've been sitting on. I am a huge post-apocalyptic movie fan. Even if it's really badly written, I can generally enjoy the imaginings of the weird fantasy world in which the movie is set.



Unfortunately, despite my imagination, I Am Legend disappointed me. In order not to spoil it, I'll just say that I really liked the first half of the movie. Many plot devices seemed to be set up. The story was smart and suspenseful. The monsters were nearly unseen and scarier for it. Also, Will Smith is one of the best actors I've ever seen on the big screen. He's so genuine and believable. The second half went quickly downhill with a poorly developed character, seemingly added into the movie as an after thought and convenient plot device. The earlier clues I had that the plot might move in a very interesting, intelligent direction were dropped, seemingly ignored and forgotten.

My husband said it best. It's like the first and second halves of the movie were written by different people. *sigh* I had high hopes. But, you know, it was still fun to go watch buff Will Smith do pull ups with no shirt on. Three out of five stars, mostly due to the weak ending.

Avatar Time Suck

I just re-discovered one of my favorite internet time wasters, which I'd almost entirely forgotten. Yahoo Avatars!



I'm going to sit here all damn day and make more of them.

Here's climbing me.


Safari me.


And me on Dance Fever.

Holiday Warm Fuzzies

I really enjoyed my agency's holiday party! I know, I know. I was all, "His party will be better... money equals happiness... I am a consumer whore," about it before. But, after enjoying an evening of Christmas carols, Santa visits, warm hugs from kind coworkers, and unpretentious comfort food, my husband and I both agreed - my holiday party was much better.

Though there was no high-priced menu or entertainment, children played together, adults laughed and shared stories. We even drank cheap wine out of a cooler in a coworker's trunk (due to the no alcohol on the property law). These people are genuine and earnest. Life lesson learned. Warm fuzzies all around.

Contrasting Holiday Parties

I work for an agency that helps people who have little or no money. I enjoy my work and get a really warm feeling from doing it. My darling husband works at an company that entertains people and the owner is a billionaire. Needless to say, his company's holiday party is better than mine.

Compare and Contrast

Event Space
His: rented a historical downtown building and did up each floor with a different fantastic theme and related activities for each one
Mine: our clients' community room in the office

Expected Dress
His: fancy, fun, fabulous
Mine: work clothes, since the party is right after the work day

Food
His: delicious food for each theme on corresponding floors
Mine: catered by Marie Calendar's

Drinks
His: free flowing, bartenders on each floor
Mine: soda or water

Cost
His: $9 spent at parking garage
Mine: $25 per person = $50 to attend

I still like my job, but I'm so glad I have someone else's holiday party to attend.

Wise Guy

My dad can be very silly, which is fun. But sometimes, he turns into the wisest man I know.

This morning I sent an email to my parents, explaining finances and the less-than-extravagant gifts we're able to give this year due to our saving to buy a house. My dad sent back these kind words.

"If we are able to still smile and mean it when we see each other that is all the gift that is really important. So please build your future the best way you can because it will last the rest of your lives."

And my mother's thoughts were similar. I'm so lucky to have had such wonderful people teaching me how to be in this world.

Walking In A West Coast Wonderland

In recent days, I've found myself drawn to large public squares where there are Christmas trees and children squeaking out holiday music with their middle school bands. I'm craving apple cider on a daily basis. I made bread. It's fair to say that I have a bit of holiday fever.

On mild, rainy California days like today, I notice I'm reminiscing about my snowy childhood Christmases. So many memories flood back, as though they've been programmed to reappear every year at this time. My dad would make a crazy sled route on the back hill for us, so we could use our saucer sleds. (They were the best sleds because you could get someone to spin you as you took off!) My mom would bake this bread recipe she inherited from her mother, whose own mother brought it from Slovenia before the turn of the century. And my brother and I would run around, playing all sorts of made up games in several feet of snow, until it got dark. Then, we would clamber inside, banging boots and scarves and mittens on the side of the house before entering. We'd peel off our wet jackets and snowpants and sit by the fire my dad had built. We'd eat delicious wintertime food and watch cartoon Christmas specials.

As bedtime approached, it was cold in the house, so I would wear my robe and fluffy slippers (which is, incidentally, what I am wearing right now). I'd sit, propped on my knees, leaning over the back of the couch, looking out of the huge picture window in our living room. Our backyard would be glowing, the large oak and maple trees coated with the newly fallen snow. The moon glinted off of it, making the world sparkle.

It's seems like such cheesy thing to say, but when I look back on that time, it really was like magic. So much snow and love and food. The warmth I felt, though it was so very cold outside, is something I will always carry with me.

So, when this holiday time of year rolls around, something in my body clock recognizes that this is the time for hot cider, sledding, and family. And I spend hours daydreaming about that childhood time when nothing seemed scary and everything was soft and white and full of sparkles.