A Few Universal Truths (Crude Generalizations) About People
1) People with stuffed animals in the back windows of their cars are always bad drivers.
2) People with decorative doilies on their tables will also have small, unusable soaps in their bathrooms, molded into tiny seashells and small animals.
3) People with more than one facial piercing were neglected as children and will seek your attention in random, and sometimes self-destructive, ways.
4) People who eat at Chevy's and consider it to be fine dining will tell you boring stories about how they went to see a time share in Tampa last summer. If you are lucky, you will escape before they pull out the photos.
5) People who wear knitted sweaters embroidered with holiday characters, cuddly kittens, or fuzzy woodland creatures are bound to try to set you up with their nephew who lives in your city. (They will also be bad drivers, and will possibly have stuffed animals in the back windows of their cars.)
2) People with decorative doilies on their tables will also have small, unusable soaps in their bathrooms, molded into tiny seashells and small animals.
3) People with more than one facial piercing were neglected as children and will seek your attention in random, and sometimes self-destructive, ways.
4) People who eat at Chevy's and consider it to be fine dining will tell you boring stories about how they went to see a time share in Tampa last summer. If you are lucky, you will escape before they pull out the photos.
5) People who wear knitted sweaters embroidered with holiday characters, cuddly kittens, or fuzzy woodland creatures are bound to try to set you up with their nephew who lives in your city. (They will also be bad drivers, and will possibly have stuffed animals in the back windows of their cars.)
posted by Bert at 9:27 PM
4 Comments:
1) i freely admit that i am a terrible driver. one of the many reasons i don't drive. and i used to ride with a stuffed dog in a basket attached to my bike.
2) i occasionally will break out doilies on tables. but i do not have shapey soaps.
3) i have no facial piercings and i was TOTALLY neglected as a child, am always seeking attention and am often self destructive.
4) i got nothin.
5) i LOVE those kitschy sweaters!!! but i would never set you up with my nephew. unless you were really hard up for a playdate with a five year old who likes to stuff coffee beans up his nose.
Hmm.. I don't have stuffed animals in my car, but I'm still a bad driver. No doilies for me - but then again, I have very little decorations, which makes my place look a bit stark. No facial piercings either, but I don't particularly need any extra attention. I've thankfully never had one of "those" sweaters, but I've worn some pretty horrid things over the years. :-P
Mamazilla, as always, you rock. And I know you have more fashion sense than most people I know put together.
Notta, I actually used to have a lot of sweaters like that (what with the midwestern heritage), but I weeded them out of my wardrobe and find that I am a better driver for having done it.
5) And the sweater wearer will never realize that the poor nephew is gay and has no interest in being set up with you.
Post a Comment
<< Home