I Almost Wet My Pants

Yesterday, I did one of the scariest things I've done as an adult. I took the lead climbing test at the gym. Usually, when I climb at the gym, I'm on top rope, which means I tie myself to a rope that is looped over a pulley and then tied to my partner. This partner keeps me from plummeting to certain death when I, inevitably, miss a move and go flailing off of the wall. In the top rope scenario, the worst that happens is that I swing away from the wall... and then right back to it, where I grab on and try again.

Lead climbing is different. In lead climbing, I still tie a rope to myself, but instead of that rope looping over something above my head, it just goes straight to my partner. It's, then, my job to clip my own rope to quickdraws, little clips placed on the wall, as I climb past them. If I slip, I could, potentially, fall up to 20' or more, swinging in an arc passed my last clip, and smashing into the climbing wall (hopefully on a flat part and not a pointy part).

So who could blame me, yesterday, when I was terrified because had scheduled myself to take the lead climbing test. After hours of muscle-numbing practice, my partner had hurt his finger and needed to rest, so I found myself sitting on the couch reading magazines instead of taking the lead test. After a few minutes of this magazine nonsense, I discovered that I was rocking back and forth like Rain Man, hugging myself tightly across my chest, as I stared at the last quickdraw on the climb and anticipated the task ahead.

The Old Days - Top Roping at the Gym

The last quickdraw. The scary thing about the lead test is that I don't get to clip the last one. The point of the lead test is to not only know if a person can clip correctly as she climbs, but also to know if she can take a fall. This fall is the part that was scaring the piss out of me... very nearly literally. The task is to climb the whole climb, clipping each quickdraw, then, launching life and limb into empty space at the top of the climb without clipping the last quickdraw and without looking back to make sure my partner is paying attention instead of checking out the tall, blond coed on the next climb over (which he had been doing earlier that day). This letting go many feet about the last quickdraw creates quite a spectacular, pendulum-like fall.

Eventually, I stood, kicked my partner in the ankle, and informed him that it would be now or never. My hands were sweaty, even though I was shivering in the chilly warehouse gym. My pulse was racing. Studly Climbing Gym Guy, who likely climbs El Capitan solo at least twice a year, came over to administer the test. Determined to reach great heights that day, I tied myself to my partner and started up the wall. Right hand. Left hand. Match hands. Left hand. Clip. Right. Left. Clip. Right. Match. Clip. This went on until I was 45' off of the ground. I grabbed the last hold, took a deep breath, and let go. It lasted 0.2 seconds, and then I was hanging 20' feet above the gym floor, giggling like an idiot. Do it again! Do it again!

And... sold to the crazy lady with the urine-stained pants.