Vacationing in a Handbasket to Hell

Today at the gym, I saw the latest issue of Conde Nast Traveler. I used to get the magazine, but, several years ago, I opted for National Geographic Traveler, instead. The vacation spots N.G. mentions are not only more adventurous, but less expensive, as well. Today, I was glad I had made the switch.

On the front of this month's Conde Nast Traveler in large gold letters it said: "SURGICAL VACATIONS: How Safe Are They?" And so, I was forced to imagine people who want to go on these Operation Excursions. Yes, please, peel back my face, break my nose, and suck some necessary fluids from me, while I pay you tens of thousands of dollars to watch me suffer! I'm on vacation, so what the hell.

For those of you wondering what to get me for my birthday in a few months... I prefer a hike in the woods or a margarita on the beach, thanks. No sterile gauze bandages needed. Well, unless I take a spill on the trail to Machu Picchu.