Barbie Got Back

No way. So I went to Quizilla just now and took a test to see which Messed Up Barbie I would be. Check this out.

"Barbie Got Back! Go you! You're the closest thing ever to a true black Barbie. Shake that fat ass of yours."

Super Searches

When I view the stats that my web host keeps about my website, I can see other sites which link mine. In fact, a porn site had linked my website at one point... evidentally not checking my content very well before doing so!

In addtion to this, I recently realized I can also see top searches that lead people to my website. Number one is consumption junction, which I didn't realize was such a cliche. I mean, I truly thought I had come up with that witty play on words myself.

Number two is bertville, which surprised me a little. Perhaps people are searching for my blog by name? I just googled it to find out. A much more likely scenario is that they are looking for one of the many cities in the world named Bertville. Who knew?

Number three is beyonce booty. This goes along with number six, which is hot blonds. These two caught my eye because it makes me think that I could just put a bunch of random, often-searched words in my blog. I just checked out some of the most searched words... according to Google, they include:

hayden christensen, star wars, nintendo revolution, yoda, revenge of the sith, ps3, kasey kahne, anakin skywalker, kylie minogue, natalie portman, kenny chesney, survivor, amazing race, dave chappelle, renee zellweger, orlando bloom, xbox 2, naruto, rolling stones, nascar

I have to say, I find that list quite disappointing... and rather sophomoric, really. No one is searching for carl sagan or jane austen? Nobody is asking Jeeves about string theory or middle east peace or renaissance architecture? It's difficult to accept that the majority of people with access to the internet are using it to search for television and movie characters, electronic game machines, and car races.

I wonder what this says about the collective consciousness of our global society. And I wonder which countries do the most internet searching. I can't imagine that people in Haiti constitute a large proportion of the searching being done. Or those in Guinea Bissau.

Fascinating stuff. And now... I guess more people will find search results leading to my blog. So, for those of you bored at work and searching for fun, I apologize for my sneakiness in working my way into your search results. Personally, I hate it when irrelevant sites come up in my favorite searches (which are, incidentally: san francisco restaurants, johnny depp photos, tiki drinks, and john stewart).

Giants and Midgets

Everything at my gym is made for giants.

The weighlifting machines, especially, are made for people of huge proportions. I can barely reach the handles, even when the seat is set on the highest possible setting.

This is true for just about everything there... the drinking fountain, the eliptical machines. Even the stairs are taller than usual!

The only exception is the shower. Imagine my surprise when I pulled the plastic curtain aside, turned on the water, stepped into the stream... and discovered that the showerhead was lined up with my chin! It was made for munchkins.

I'm only 5'3" and I had to scrunch down to wash my hair! That's the first time I've ever had that problem.

In my opinion, more gyms should cater to munchkins... in areas other than just the shower. There could be a 24 Hour Fitness Small... like Target Greatland or Super K-Mart. Hmmm... perhaps that's not an image that a gym wants to project. They seem to cater to a different demographic. Beefcake! BEEFCAKE!

Pod People

There's something I've been noticing more and more recently. Everywhere I go, people of all ages seem to be plugged into some sort of headphones. At the grocery store, walking down the street, catching some sun in Golden Gate park... everyone bobbing their heads to their own personal life soundtrack.

This makes me wonder... are we missing crucial opportunities for interpersonal connection? I know so many single people who constantly gripe that they can't meet any nice Others out there. Perhaps this has to do with the fact that he's listening to Duran Duran while she grooves to R.E.M... right next to each other in the toilet paper aisle. It's just a thought.

Today, I was walking around my neighborhood, enjoying the sunny weather, and I decided to try an experiment. I counted no less than 8 out of every 10 people plugged in to some sort of headphones.. usually white, iPod-looking things. So, whenever I passed someone, I smiled and said, "Hi!" Most of them didn't even hear me because they were too busy shakin' their groove thangs to Outkast.

I tried this a few times before I gave up. Having failed to create world peace with my social experiment, I dialed up some old time country music on my own iPod, plugged my headphones back into my ears, and continued on my way to Golden Gate park to enjoy some musical solitude.

Playing in the Sun

Super good times. It was sunny and in the 70s in San Francisco today. Mark picked me up, and we took his new motorcycle across the Golden Gate Bridge. He's moving away soon, and he felt it was necessary, before leaving San Francisco, to make the trek. Before crossing the bridge, we stopped by Baker Beach. Many people don't know (Mark included) that Baker Beach has a nude area. Mark discovered this once we arrived.

Then, we ended up stopping for a late lunch in Sausalito, where the temperature was in the 90s. We saw the rock balancing guy and had ice cream while we hung out in the sun. I got a little bit pink despite my 30 spf sunscreen slathering.

Afterward, I hauled him over to Rich and Stacy's house. I had actually invited myself earlier in the day... then I also invited Mark, Doug, and Lisa. Then, Lisa invited Kari. So we had an impromptu party! We grilled, drank wine, and laughed our asses off.

Remember those good times I was talking about, in a recent post, that I wanted to really take note of and enjoy every minute of the next time it happened? I totally did that this time. This was the best day in recent memory. Hooray!

My Job Rocks

My new job makes me feel like a real grown up. I have a caseload of clients. I have an office with a file cabinet full of aforementioned clients' files. I schedule appointments with them, and they show up to see me. I'm their therapist.

At some point, I must have grown up, but I can't figure out when it happened. Could have been that 401K at the last job, I guess...

The best part is that despite this grown up facade, I still get to play with puppets. Kick. Ass.

I've Gone All Minnefornian

Today for lunch, I decided to step back into the realm of childhood comfort food. I made macaroni & cheese with hotdogs in it. Aahhh... that really takes me back to my midwestern roots. Only it wasn't entirely Minnesota-style because I used super special organic mac & cheese and soy hotdogs. I made Minnefornian food.

Also in this category are:
* fancy water crackers with spray cheese
* wine which is drunk from plastic tumblers of various colors
* Domino's pizza with a well-made ceasar salad
* sushi followed by graham crackers and peanutbutter for dessert

This also applies to clothing. Yesterday, I was actually wearing my closest approximation to an eskimo parka with flip-flops. I have also been known to wear a tank top and cropped pants with the fuzzy scarf my mom made me for Christmas.

I tell you, the western world makes a person do crazy things... eh?

Bush Rolls Back Rule on Building Forest Roads

I would like to say that I'm shocked and dismayed... but really, I'm just dismayed.

Here is the CNN article about it.

Perhaps it's the bumpkin trailer trash in me, but I remember playing the forest behind my home, as a child. It was wonderful and calming to just breathe the moist, green air, and to feel the spongy pine needles on the damp earth under my feet. It makes me sad that others don't see the value in our green places.

"Everybody needs beauty as well as places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul." - John Muir

Seizing the Moment

I guess everyone has those times in their lives when they're just deliriously happy, but completely unaware of it. It's only when that period of time ends - friends drift apart, favorite passtimes change - that we realize how good it truly was.

Memories of that time are so vivid. Everything seemed easy, and the laughing seemed like it would last a lifetime. Not that right now is totally miserable or anything... but it's not deliriously happy. It's not even really entirely content.

sigh

The good thing is, I suppose, that there is likely another deliriously happy time just waiting to begin at any moment. I hope I remember to appreciate it next time. To really live inside every minute of it.

I am not allowed to wallow with homework on Friday nights anymore.

Misogynist Seeks Hot Blond

...with huge ta-tas.

I'm not a fan of online dating, but I do have a friend or two playing the virtual field these days. One of the things that strikes me about many of these men whom they send to my inbox (for the standard Friend Review), is that they often have absolutely no idea how to communicate with women.

For example, almost every man has at least one photo of himself surrounded by:
a) really hot blonds with huge hooters.
b) exotic, foreign-looking women in bikinis.
c) his drunken frat friends pouring beer on his head.

Here is a hint fellas, girls do not like the same things about you that your male friends think are so kick-ass. Women do not want to see you surrounded by other women who are, in all likelihood, much hotter than us and don't have any cellulite or eye wrinkles. That is a definite turn off. Also, drunken, sophomoric friends will lead you into unfaithful debauchery in Las Vegas, eventually.

Other turn offs include, but are not limited to:
*Eight or nine photos of you shirtless and in different poses.
No one wants to see that much skin online unless they're surfing porn sites.
*No fat chicks.
For two reasons, the first being that it reveals your shallow, unloving core. The second is that all women think they are just a little bit fat, so no one will respond anyway.
*The No fat chicks euphemism... I prefer women who love to be in shape.
This just means you're a prick with a Master's degree and a speed boat.
*Mentioning ex-girlfriends in your profile.
This indicates irrevesible emotional damage and possible lifelong baggage; therefore, causing any future relationships to fail.
*Bragging about your extraordinarily lucrative career.
The only women who are interested in this are shallow, hot blonds with huge ta-tas.

Oh... now I see how it works. :-/