Never Let My Cousin Cut Your Hair

Holy crap. Where were my parents when this hair butchering was taking place?! Stylin' pants, too!

History of Bertmoblies

Now that I have figured out how to put photos on my blog, I will present a brief history of Bertmobiles.


Bertmobile #1: Buick Skylark Ltd, 1984
1990 - 1999


Bertmobile #2: Volkswagon Golf, 1995
1999 - 2004
(R.I.P.)


Bertmobile #3: Honda del Sol, 1993
2005 - present

Peace Corps Photos

This is a teaser. Go to my Peace Corps Photos page to see more. There are many others I have yet to put up, but I haven't had time to scan them. I finally decided it was time to put up the ones I had finished because the other ones aren't scanning themselves.

Retail Insensitivity

Sears keeps sending me huge manilla envelopes stamped with the phrase For Homeowners Only! Are they taunting me?

Good Times at The Goodwill

This past Saturday in San Francisco was sunny and warm, so I decided to go for a walk. I ended up on Haight Street and popped into Goodwill, as I sometimes do. I had ripped a hole in some of my favorite jeans and figured I could replace them for cheap.

There were several women of various ages and sizes at the mirror, trying on a lovely embroidered silk tank top that had a zipper up the side and beads hanging from the bottom. Now, I love a shirt with beads hanging from it, and I coveted it. However, they had found it, fair and square, so I went about my shopping business nearby, all the while listening and watching like a hawk... well, more like a vulture really... ready to scavenge.

One woman was younger and rather buxom. A sort of modern Marilyn Monroe figure. She held it up to herself and said it was very nice, but would never fit. She handed it to an older woman standing next to her, who tried it on. The older woman managed to get it over her head, but couldn't zip it. She said quite loudly that she was a size 6, and that you'd need to be flat chested to wear it. This was my opening! I walked over and raised my hand.

Everyone else had tried it on, so she handed it over dubiously, all the while making comments about how it would never fit. I slipped it over my head and zipped it up the side with little difficulty. Who knew small boobies could be such an asset?! Everyone practically clapped! Victory is so sweet when it only costs $3.99.

Embarrassingly, I could barely get it off again. See, when I put it on, I slipped it over my head with my arms straight up. Trying to get it off involved the cross-your-arms-in-front-of-you-and-pull-up shirt removal technique. Well, apparently, that makes my back muscles bulge or something (hooray for rock climbing) because I got stuck halfway out of the shirt. There I stood with my arms trapped above my head, flailing rather uselessly because I had lost my grip on the shirt. Muffled by the fabric over my face, I said, "I might need some help getting out of it!" The older woman stepped up to help me tug it over my head and replied, "Well, that will make for a nice romantic evening for you!"

It was a blast! I think I'll go hang out there every week.

Will Work for Tickets

My friend, Sarah, is getting married this July. I'm very happy for her for so many reasons, not the least of which is that she's marrying a very nice frenchman... which means the wedding is in France! Hooray! I get to go to Europe! I have a great excuse, and no one can stop me! Well, except the airlines with their exorbitant fees.

Does anyone know of a cheap way to get plane tickets for a trip to France in late July? I welcome suggestions.

Shameful Expenditures

The union where I work (for the next three weeks, before I'm officially laid off) sent out a link to an article in the San Francisco Chronicle about top executive bonuses in the organization. They cut my job, but they spent up to $82,000 on a year end bonus for one person! They could pay for 2.5 full-time Berts for that much. And I only work here half time, so in reality, they could afford five Berts!

That said, I'm not too concerned about my job loss. It's the principle of the matter, really. I'll have a Masters degree in a few months and will look for a job in my field. The people who really get screwed are those who make this their life's work: career administrators, maintenance people, lab technicians... These are people who work hard for long and irregular hours and, in an entire year, don't receive half of what the top executive receives in a lump sum bonus.

Incidentally, the $82,000 bonus represents 20% of this exec's annual $410,000 salary. It makes one wonder... what does he do with his half a million dollar per year salary + bonuses?

In order to retain some faith in humanity, I will tell myself that he gives at least half of it to worthy charities and non-profit organizations. (Although my guess is that he uses it to buy a shiny, new boat.)

Family Revised

I have a friend, a fellow therapist-in-training, who is about to start a family. He's intelligent, attractive, introspective, married, has a stable income, and is overall really fun to be around. Yet, despite his perfect teeth and high IQ, some people would disagree with his decision to have a family. I don't understand those people. Here is the story he told me...

His sister's friend is in a long-term lesbian relationship, and they would like to have a baby. For this, of course, they need sperm. They thought long and hard about who they knew that was intelligent, attractive, introspective, married, and overall really fun to be around. They asked my friend and his partner of 10 years to donate sperm. They would decide whose to use for baby-making at the last minute.

Over the weekend, my friend and his partner received the call. They had one hour to make some sperm and get it to the clinic. The way my friend tells it, he and his partner grabbed the nearest porn and ran to separate ends of the house to create half of a life to deliver to the other half in less than an hour. In the midst of this frenzy, the phone rang. My friend, in the middle of his high-anxiety, rushed and ready task, answered the phone. His partner yelled from the other room that he had better shut up because it was interfering with his concentration in the making of the precious sperm for the lesibians' baby. I love that this is the conception story which will be told throughout this child-to-be's life. This child will have a sense of humor.

When the sperm was made, my friend's partner hopped in his car and raced it over to the clinic, where the lesbians waited. The very traditional Chinese mother of one of the lesbians waited for him and took the sperm. An odd circumstance, certainly, yet she was so excited! This little person was surrounded by excitement and love before even being made.

My friend's family is also excited. His parents are going to be grandparents because my friend and his partner will be active participants in this lucky little one's life... This new little person will have not just two, but four loving parents and, count 'em, eight doting grandparents!

Each week I provide psychotherapy to kids who have zero loving caregivers in their lives. I think what my friend is doing is so... very... cool. Hooray for good parents! No matter how they make the baby, it's the love involved that counts in the end.