False Advertising

I was working out at the gym the other morning when I saw something that always makes me cringe just a little bit. A man was in the bouldering area of the gym climbing around on some of the routes. He appeared to be just an average guy in his late 30s from afar, but something about his head was a little strange. It took me a minute to put my finger on the problem, but once I spotted it, the glaring truth was inescapable. He was wearing a toupee... and it didn't match the rest of his hair.

It's a terrible trap. A man in his early 30s begins to lose his luscious locks. Feeling this premature baldness does not personify the young stud he still feels he is inside, he researches the options. Perhaps, he chooses a toupee as the best cost-effective way to keep, what he feels is, his waning mojo. At the time when he purchases his Genuine Human Hair Accessory, everything looks smashing! His mane has been restored to its previous glory days, and his winsome allure will no longer be tainted by his shiny scalp blinding the onlookers.

However, after several years of enjoying his toupee, the man isn't aware that what is left of his real hair has gone rather salt-and-pepper gray. The rug no longer matches the moldings. The whole ensemble is off. To add to this, if the toupee is older than 8-10 years, it's likely shaped in a now-outdated style. For instance, the man at the gym had a very nice 1992 skateboarder, extra long in front, over-the-eye flip thing going on. This did not add to his false hair's appeal.

Let me say, however, that I'm not entirely opposed to a little false advertising here and there. I'm no stranger to getting a little boost in self-confidence from some well-known retail pals. Let's just say I'm on a first name basis with the staff at Victoria's Secret. However, I do insist that if you plan to advertise that you have hair, please... make sure it matches the rest of you. It's like me trying to get away with wearing Pamela Anderson's boobs. Incongruous.